Okay, let me just be honest here. I am a pretty private person. In fact, this is especially true when it comes to my health and weight. It embarrasses me, and frankly, I just don’t like to talk about it.
Fast forward 30 seconds to…now. I gotta get this under control. Let me get all of the excuses out of the way. I have a family history of being overweight. I suffer from depression, which affects my weight. Thyroid issues, bad knees, uncoordinated, shin splints… Please don’t misunderstand, these are all serious issues and I know can have a huge affect on one’s health and weight. I have just come to the realization that they are not the end all, be all. I know there has to be more I can do to be the person I want…and was meant to be.
If you want to know the truth, I've always been a little "big." I weighed 10 pound when I was born for goodness sake! Growing up in the south didn't help much. Lots of delicious foods to eat.
Let me give you some background. When I was 3, my grandparents got custody of me. My parents were...well, out if it, and not capable of being parents. Ironically, this was the best thing that could ever happen to me. They are the most amazing people I know. Having grandparents as parents were made for lots of quality time together. The fondest memories I have are being on our farm around all of the animals. I was one lucky little girl.
Then came high school. I was confused and couldn't figure out what I wanted. I was torn between being a popular, snooty cheerleader and being friends with everyone. Mine was the type of high school where you couldn't have both. So, not by choice, I became somewhat of a loner. I really believe this is where and when my love affair with food started. Looking back, I now know I ate when I couldn't get my thoughts together or when I was left out of social activities. Basically any time I was hurting or down. Also, I believe this is when my battle with depression started. When I graduated high school, I weighed about 165. I was 5’7”. I wasn’t extremely overweight, but I definitely didn’t feel good about myself…especially compared to the cute, skinny girls in bikinis and shorts who all the guys swooned over. Then, I went to college. I stayed at home and went to the local community college for two years. This was when I decided to make a change. I started going to weight watchers and lost about 28 pounds. I was up to 178 when I started. At 150, I felt good and looked good. Then, I got a boyfriend. He was a great guy and we were both head over heels. We planned on going to the University of Arkansas together and of course get married eventually. It’s so funny how things work out. The summer before the big move, we broke up. I was devastated and couldn’t get out of the bed for weeks. This is when my depression really escalated and for the first time, I went to see a therapist and got started on some medication. Maybe it helped some. I went to college and did okay and felt okay. It wasn’t the best time of my life, but I made it. I was the first person in my family to receive a college degree. It was a proud moment. The death of my beloved cousin, Ryan, however, was not a proud moment. It was a devastating, ugly, unfair reality. He was a private in the army and was killed on a training mission in the United States. I still miss him every day. After graduation, I moved to Memphis to accept my first big girl job. At this point, I had gained about 15 of my 27 lost pounds back. Oops. Being in a big town, away from people I knew and loved, took it’s toll on me. I promptly gained the rest of the weight back and after a year moved back home to South Arkansas to look for a job. I found one working on the campaign of a relatively unknown Attorney General running for Governor. It turns out, this was one of the best moments of my life. He won the election and I eventually got a job in the Arkansas House of Representatives and then in the Governor’s office. After four years there, I am now working for the Arkansas Economic Development Commission and loving every minute of it. I am truly blessed with great family and friends. I just have one thing holding me back…my health.
I now weigh…203 pounds and am miserable. It is one of the worst feelings a person can have. Not being able to wear cute clothes, being whispered about because “omg, she’s gained so much weight,” guys not giving you the time of day, not being able to do fun, physical activities because you get too tired and your thighs rub together. It sucks! And I’m sick of it! So, here I go, bearing my soul for all the world to see. I have read several weight loss blogs and have been inspired by them and how the blogging keeps them accountable, so i am giving it a go. If anyone decided to follow me, I hope I am interesting enough to inspire someone else. Let’s do this.
